Month: February 2016

The wall that fate built.

# A high end luxurious car pulls by. It shines brightly like a ball hung on a Christmas tree. A chubby little boy steps out engrossed in swiping profusely on his phone while he took a big gulp from the can. The man in white and white shuts the door and follows the boy to the mall. She looks at him with dreamy eyes. She wipes off the sweat, carries her small sister and goes back to selling balloons. Little had she known that the fate had already built a wall for her!

#She watched them hug and kiss passionately. Their faces filled with emotions. He was back from war. She waited patiently for her turn. She could hug and kiss but she knew that she wouldn’t get any of those back. She watched them bring her husband in a box with the flag. She held her daughter tight and fought her tears. She knew she had to be stronger than the wall that the fate had built.

#He hugged her tight, close to his heart, for one last time. Anger and love. All the love for his daughter and all the anger for that god damn psycho who shot her down as she sat helplessly in her classroom. He lived rest of his life in suffocation within the wall. Suffocated by the anger, love and helplessness.

#He had gone to office that morning kissing her. She sat there staring at the coffin not knowing whom to curse – the fire or the fate. For the first time she questioned her dad’s decision to be a fire-fighter. For the first time she wished he wasn’t one. For the first time she saw the dreaded wall.

#Every morning he woke up early just to get his hands on the first copy of the newspaper. Just to be the first one to know that the missing aircraft was found and all its passengers were safe. Just to be the first one to know that his mother was alive. But his strength wasn’t strong enough to break the wretched wall.

#He looked at her and she faked a smile. They waved each other goodbye and logged off. It’s been a while since she had gone. She was stuck in a faraway land and was waiting to get back to him. He was waiting to hold her in his arms again. But both of them knew they were never going to meet again because they know the wall had already been built.

Fate is really a funny thing. Some say “There is nothing called fate as such! We make our fate!” but I certainly believe in it. It exists and it’s dreadful (not always). All along our life fate builds such walls stopping us from moving ahead. So what shall we do when we meet such walls? We gather all our strength, have some faith in ourselves and try to break the wall. And that is the only way to move on in your life.
“Fate is never fair. You are caught in a current much stronger than you are; struggle against it and you’ll drown not just yourself but those who try to save you. Swim with it and you’ll survive.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes.


The Lord and His ways.

I am up earlier than usual. It’s close to 5 in the morning, my sleep all gone and am wide awake. Maybe I am just excited about the long day ahead. A lot of things to be done – meeting old school pals, couple of mentors and close teachers, checking out my old hang outs. I lay on my bed waiting for my alarm to go off. At a distance I can hear the hymns from the church and the call for namaz from the mosque go together. It felt great to be back in my room where I spent the major part of my teenage life. Every wall in the room had bits of papers stuck – posters, write-ups, handmade calendars. The place was a mess when I came in last night. Books of my last five years’ education were all over the place. Getting into college excited me a lot that I never bothered to clean up my room. Well, cleaning my room was never a part of my to-do list even when I was jobless let alone when packing for college.
            Am all dressed up, after a quite contending shower, unlike the hurried ones before college. The climate outside was fabulous. It gets sticky towards the middle of the day but at this time of the day it was cool and there was a sign of a crisp wind, just enough to ruffle my hair. It is just ten minutes away from my place. The roads are empty. The whole place is silent except for the occasional noises made by the early buses plying through the road. The usual nostalgic feel hit me hard – birds chirping, smell of the rain – cliché it is but it does help bring up the mood. Certain things can only be appreciated when you have experienced the opposite. After spending a long time in a place filled with smokes and vehicles and your life being busy and noisy, it didn’t take a long while for me to appreciate where I was right now.
       I have always wanted to write about this place I was going to – this temple. I first came to this temple around 7 years back. It was just a small structure and not many worshippers came here then. This temple was one of those which were owned by the rulers of the place ages back. So the history says that every royal family got to keep their own temple where no one from outside was allowed to enter. It was strictly for the benefit of the royal family and only they were allowed to offer prayers there. As time went by, royal families diminished and they found it hard to maintain the temples on their own. There were no more royal families or their temples. Such temples were opened for all. This was the latest temple to be opened for public in such a way.
              As I near the temple, I walk through the memory lane. It reminded me of the times when I used to speed down in my bicycle, how I used to rush here before I go to school for my major exams. This temple has got me going through the hardest times. The walls and pillars know me better than my family maybe. They have seen my struggle with my inner-self, with my insecurities, with my fears. They have heard many things that no one in my life has ever heard from me. The Lord of this temple with whom I have confided many of my secrets has always been there performing miracles for me.
        This temple has grown into what it is today. Now it has a wide footpath running around it, a nicely finished paint job, beautiful mural sculptures on the wall, and a big framed image of the proposed design of the renovated temple. There aren’t many people when I went in, maybe a bit too early for the regular folks. Just a couple of old women and an old gentleman. The manager of the temple is amused to see me. He does his usual round of enquiries – my college and the place and how long it has been since I paid a visit. Although things have changed around here the L
ord hasn’t. The same all-knowing smile and the same gracious look that could drown all your worries.
         All my atheists friends have asked me how one could connect to a lifeless figure or a statue and my answer was always the same. Its way easier to connect to a statue than all the other living beings.
I sit there for a while talking to Him, as though two old friends catching up after a long time. I could hear one of the old ladies chanting a long Sanskrit prayer slowly. I head back to home. On my way back I realize that all our wishes die soon and we find ourselves back where we started with a new set of wishes. I was here few years back wishing to get into the college where I am studying now. And when I am almost done with it am back here again. While I have changed a lot of my beliefs and thoughts why couldn’t I ever forget this small temple? Is my greed the reason why I am here today or is it the Lord’s way of keeping me closer to Him? Well I guess I’ll never know.